If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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