What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i drank out of a bidet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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