..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
