Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
