Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
