you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
