I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
