Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
