i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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