I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
