Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
