is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
