Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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