my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
