i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
