You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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