I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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