you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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