While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
