Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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