Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
