I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
