i think i have herpe
just one?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize