2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
People in love make me want to vomit
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
