shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is Oprah even human
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