I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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