This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
