I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
