Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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