well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
