We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
