cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
