Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
