Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
