i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
