he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
