its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
