I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
