it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
