I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
