he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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