You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
