i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
soo... how was my night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
