why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
