Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have already put on my inside pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
