Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
