i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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