he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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