i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think my moral compass just broke
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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