I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
