My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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