having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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