Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
