i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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