im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
