LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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