So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
