Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
