Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
