I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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