Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
