eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
