Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
