he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
