I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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