I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
