I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Randomize
